You can’t keep it unless you give it away!

You can’t keep it unless you give it away!

When it comes to love, happiness, knowledge, truth, honor, honesty, and passion, you can’t keep it unless you give it away. I am sure I could come up with a few hundred more word examples but I am running with these!

What is in it that we have to give away and what are we keeping when we give it away?

The “it “in the giving away part is service.

The “it” in the keeping part is humility.

Why should I give away service to gain humility and what do I gain from keeping humility? Sounds like a losing deal and boring thing to do!

Here is the payoff.  When we are of service to others, we are giving our energies, efforts, and time with proper motives and efforts. This act of giving service is biblical and pleases God who in turn rewards our actions and efforts.

Philippians 2:3 “Don't act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves”.

OK, so the heart of a servant of the Lord is a humble heart. In serving others for the right reasons we are gaining precious humility.

 “…for everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, but he who humbles himself shall be exalted." Luke 18:14

When we gain humility, we gain perspective into what our true path is on this Earth. Remember, as God’s kids we are no longer human beings seeking spiritual experiences. We are now spiritual beings encountering human experiences and humility helps us to make the right choices. Our motives move from constantly seeking “what’s in it for me” to be in alignment with our efforts to see what we can bring to others in the form of service. Being freed from the chains of selfishness we are able to follow a path that leads to happiness, joy, freedom, and fulfillment. Our very lives depend upon this change of motivation. While we are in the grip of selfishness we are dead to the Spirit. Our work helping others brings our faith to life so that we may truly live.

“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.” Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous page 84

Stinking Thinking!

Negative thoughts can lead to anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Negative thinking can affect your relationships, business dealings and even your overall health. However, by admitting we are victims of negative thinking, we can learn to replace our negative thoughts with positive ones, we can begin to transform our state of mind, our outlook, and when these positive thoughts lead to positive actions, our life changes.

So how do we replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts? This past year as I lost my excessive weight, I learned that the food I eat can determine my level of health. Likewise the thoughts I think can determine my mental health.  When I identify and remove those toxic negative thoughts from my mind and by replacing them with positive thoughts,  I begin to create a  create a healthy mindset that nurtures  my confidence and releases my fears and resentments

 Here are some points to look at this week.  They can help you to begin the process of replacing negative  thoughts with positive thoughts.

1. Examine Your Thoughts
   Most of the time, we are not aware of the thoughts we think in the moment. Those of you that are close to me have heard me talk about not turning a bad moment into a bad day.  Try this Every time I begin to feel negatively about a person, place, thing, or situation,  I make myself stop  and recognize the negative thought that brought me to that feeling.
2. Question Negative Thoughts
   Please refuse to accept negative thoughts as truth. I ask myself why I feel this way and ask God to help me change my thinking.  I have found that most often they are based more from fear, resentment, past hurts, and or the famous “worst-case scenario” thinking.
3. Don’t turn a bad moment into a bad day!
   When I catch myself thinking negatively, I have to stay away from my old enemy rationalization. I have learned over the years that negative thoughts will never benefit me.  If I struggle to release the negative thought, I ask God to re direct my thinking by forcing myself to focus on helping someone else for the moment. This is not fun at times, but it really works!
4. Am I my own worst enemy?
   Thanks to God and AA I no longer suffer from stinking thinking like I used to, but if I find my thoughts becoming negative and self centered with a whopper like, “I’ll never amount to anything,” I replace it with, “I have already become someone special! I am a good husband, father and friend.”

Dear friends, I don’t have the answers, but I do have the personal experiences that have helped me to grow and change.

"Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code."                                                                                            Alcoholics Anonymous,
 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 84

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear . . ." 1 John 4:18

Mastering Ourselves

Many people who abuse chemicals are urged by friends and relatives to use "will power" or "resist temptation." It is never very clear as to what they mean by this, but the addicted person numbly nods his head and agrees with them. It's a common misconception that we should be masters of our own souls.

But it is not until we truly realize that we don't know how to be masters, that we can progress. There is only one Master who has the wisdom and knowledge to guide our souls. If we ourselves were capable of being masters of our souls, how did we end up here in the first place? Have I turned my life and my will over?

May my soul be guided by the only Master that truly knows what is best for me.

.......Hazeldon literature

Why am I angry?

When I find myself angry at some person, place, thing, or situation I need to look at letting go of the anger. When the anger lingers to the point where it begins to cloud my thinking and affect my attitudes and behaviors toward others I now have resentment. Now those of you that know me understand that I am a 2 syllable guy so this resentment business is a serious matter. 

When I get resentful, I am re sending the same thought through my mind over and over. This is not a good thing because my mind will twist that thought to stretch the perceived wrong done me and minimize my part every time. Before long my mind will convince me that I am blameless, a victim, and worthy of others pity! Talk about insanity!

My solution is to get outside of my own perceptions and thoughts. Obviously I can’t fix my own mind with my own mind so I need to get perspective and balance. I look at my part in the matter. Where did I contribute to the situation and what do I need to look at in me to change? I also need to make myself accept that person, place, thing, or situation exactly as it is for the moment. If it is a person, then I need to ask God’s help immediately to forgive them. After I pray I immediately turn my thought toward helping someone else. Before long, the resentment is gone and I am feeling like myself again.

Friends, we live in this world and it’s full of people, places, and things that are always in collision with our wants and desires. Obviously we are going to be let down and disappointed quite often if we expect perfection all the time. It’s how we handle our attitudes and behaviors in these trying times that determine our happiness and acceptance of these matters.

Please remember we are God’s kids and only here on Earth for a short time. 

Please ask yourself….are you still a human being seeking a spiritual experience… or are you now a spiritual being having a human experience?!?

Matthew 6:14-15 “… if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile."
Alcoholics Anonymous, How It Works, pg. 66

"T.H.I.N.K" before you speak!

T.H.I.N.K. before you speak

I have spent this year working on improving my words and actions. My goal has been to RESPOND instead of REACT to situations and conversations. I have a lot more to learn on this and thanks to God, a life time to make it a habit!
The short version is that I need to be positive and uplifting with my words, even when I am pointing out a negative, using discipline, or correcting something that needs changed.
Please consider this suggestion; it will help you present your words and ideas in a positive manner.

"T.H.I.N.K" before you speak!

"T" stands for True. Before you speak, make sure that what you're saying is true. Don't mistake spiritual discernment for opinion, innuendo, slander, or gossip.
"H" stands for Helpful. Ask yourself if the words you're offering are helpful. Don't judge, but seek to build up an individual rather than tearing them down. Remember that what goes around comes around!
"I" stands for Inspiring. Be uplifting and positive with your words. Genuine encouragement can help to point others toward Christ, His love, and restoration.
"N" stands for Necessary. Don't be a fault-finder regarding matters of little importance. Ask yourself if it's really necessary to take action and what's at stake. This world is full of negativity. How can our words make a positive and impactful difference?
"K" stands for Kind. Be kind and humble in your approach. We need to “remove the plank from our eyes before addressing the specks we see in others”. Matthew 7:5 This means that we must “clean our side of the street” before addressing the faults of others. Big Book pg 77

Dear friends, please guard your words and actions. Please make sure that what is coming from your mouth is God centered, bathed in humility and will cover the receiver with grace and kindness!  Think before you speak!

“... with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love....”

--Ephesians 4:2

“The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.

                                                    page 83 Big Book

Just for today… if I change my actions, my thoughts will follow

Just for today… if I change my actions, my thoughts will follow...

 I noticed in myself that the way I treat others often reveals my own state of being. When I treat others well, I am generally feeling good about myself. When I am at peace, I usually treat others with respect and compassion. However, when I am feeling down, edgy, or just irritable (usually due to a self made fear or resentment) I usually respond to others with intolerance, impatience, and plain ol’ indifference. I have learned this pattern from taking regular inventories of myself.  I found that I do treat others badly when I feel bad about myself.

When I add a positive truth to the negative facts I learn from my inventory, I begin to behave differently. Most of the time, because I am human and far from perfect, I need to pray to receive courage, guidance, and strength to make that decision (page 87 of the Big Book) to treat those around me with kindness, gentleness, and show them  the same concern I would  like to be shown.

Please give this a try next time you find yourself in a funk! Chances are it’s not what is happening TO you that can be remedied, but what is happening INSIDE of you that can and will change!

Mark 12:31 “… love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”

Pg. 87 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

“We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why. “

How to have a serene and peaceful day

The Serenity Prayer, which is a part of AA and other 12 Step Programs, has been around since the early 1940s. Most attribute authorship to German Theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, who states he wrote the prayer for a sermon in 1934. Whether you 12 Step or not, these three simple lines, when understood, and followed daily, has significant meaning and brings instant comfort to the daily chaos we face.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The first line of the prayer is asking us to recognize and accept when to let things go. The suggestion is to let them go peacefully without resentment. Almost daily we encounter people, places, things, and situations which we have no control over. When we can realize that we have no power to change them, our acceptance will allow us to begin working on what we can change, which is ourselves and how we react to people, places, things, and situations.

The courage to change the things I can

The second line of this prayer gently but firmly reminds that courage is needed and almost required at times to make changes in our lives. Change is uncomfortable and even frightening at times, even when it allows us to move from a bad situation into a better one. Comfortable pain is something we humans naturally prefer over change. Therefore letting go of negative relationships and situations are not always easy. We may still love the person; perhaps we are afraid to leave the place we are in mentally; we may be used to the situation, and find the painful familiarity comforting when compared to change to the new or unknown. That is why it is important to ask for the courage to be able to make these changes and to remember that no one is expected to do this on their own. Whether we turn to God, a Higher Power, close friends or family, or a family doctor or counselor, there is someone there to help make the transition a little easier if we become willing to ask for help and are prepared to take action.

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Perhaps this is the most important part of the prayer. Think about it, if we lack the wisdom to know when change is needed and possible, we may find ourselves continually doing the same things but expecting different results.  (my preferred definition of insanity!) Please remember that we cannot force other people, places, things or situations to change. Forcing change onto others is a losing battle. Please check your own experience. Are you more open to change when you are willing to look at it, or when it is forced upon you?

Our key to happiness does not lie in changing our outer world and those around us, but in changing how we see the outer world by changing our inner world. Serenity is found within us, and one way to find that inner peace is to follow the steps of the Serenity Prayer. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can.

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen

Thank you

Hi Mark,

Your posts are truly inspirational. I especially like the connection between the bible and the big book. Keep up the Go(o)d work.

Am I in FEAR or am I in FAITH?

Am I in FEAR or am I in FAITH?

     Often times when I find myself anxious, nervous, negative, and just downright irritable, I learn by looking introspectively (a big word to me for self inventory) that I am in fear. Fear has a grip on me and is not only clouding my judgment, its affecting my behaviors, attitudes and actions.

     I have learned, and am still learning for that matter, (because Kai is now 12 and growing up faster than I want her too!), that when I find myself in fear, I am without faith. I force myself to move toward faith to remove the fear that is paralyzing my thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

     I move myself back into faith and away from fear when I realize and accept that nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. I give the person, place, situation, or thing that is causing my fear back to God. I ask him to take it from me and help me to focus on something or someone that I can help.  If I stay focused on my motives and my efforts, my fear subsides and my faith grows. Next thing I know is that I am back to being me and available mentally, spiritually, and physically for those who need and depend on me!

Harry Emerson Fosdick contrasted fear and faith like this:

   "Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers;

   fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals;

   fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable and, most of all,

   fear puts hopelessness at the heart of life, while faith rejoices

   in its God."

Matthew 6: 25 -30…

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

AA Big Book pages 86 & 87

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works - it really does. 

Where is your "treasure"?

"For wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be also."--Luke 12:34

I enjoy this verse because it brings me instant perspective along with a truthful reminder to watch my motives and efforts.  When I am struggling, frustrated, stressed , and just plain mad  reflecting on this verse gives me the path I need to take to find happiness and let go of whatever it is that is causing these negative emotions and feelings inside of me.

Do I want to look at myself at times like this?  Heck no! I like to sit in anger and resentment and focus on the wrongs that I perceive being done to me!  I have learned that I must in order to restore order to my mind and peace to my soul.  

I look at my motives first. I ask myself what I am trying to gain, get, or avoid through my actions, attitudes and behaviors.  I next look at my efforts. Am I sitting in the negativity of the situation?  Am I refusing to see the other side? Am I willing to accept this person, place, thing, or situation exactly as it is for this moment and refocus my mind toward the positive attitude I need to move on?

This is when I learn firsthand where my “treasure” is. When I look at my motives and efforts, I can see where my heart is!

Look for the positive and don't dwell on the negative!

Every morning when I get up I start my day by focusing my mind on a positive thought. I have been using daily meditation and thought books for years to make sure I keep this habit. What I have gained from this is invaluable.  It has allowed me to develop my life habit of looking for the good in everything and not dwelling on the negatives.

Positive thoughts are full of faith and hope. These thoughts when acted upon lead to positive beliefs and promote positive actions in our lives. Negative thoughts are full of fear and fueled by doubt. Negative thoughts produce negative attitudes and behaviors in us. They drive us down and keep us from any happiness. 

It takes some work, daily on my part, but with determination we can change our thoughts from negative to positive.

To quote Zig Ziglar, "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily."

My suggestion is to find a meditation book to look at daily to begin to train your mind to look for the positive and keep the negative in check!

Attitude of Gratitude

Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank

This is a simple strategy which may take only a few seconds to complete. The point is to gear your attention toward gratitude preferably first thing in the morning .And, it can be anyone, like someone who allowed you to merge into traffic or someone who held a door open for you. It is easy to allow your mind to dlip into various forms of negativity. If you wake up in the morning with gratitude on your mind, it's pretty difficult, in fact almost impossible, to feel anything but peace.

(taken from the book "DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF....and it's all small stuff" by Richard Carlson, PH.D.)


I recall someone I'm grateful for, and my mind immediately like a domino thinks of someone else, or something else. It took less than 1 minute out of my busy day and has given me peace to last until morning when I will try this again. This reminds me of the power of positive thinking...it really does work!

Serenity - The Key that Unlocks the Door to Happiness

The Big Book was Divinely inspired. The book of James is used often.  "...but He gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."  James 4:6 

This is from Dr. Paul's life experience. Tami and I got to hear him speak and actually meet him and his wife Max. I keep this passage at my desk, and at other places in my daily life to remind me that while I cannot control people, places, and things, I can choose to focus on my attitude and how I allow these situations to affect me. 

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

                                Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous page 449 ( 417 in new edition)

My suggestion is this my friends, please don't let your pride or your fear fuel your actions and attitudes. You can choose to be right or be happy in all situations. I have found that choosing to be happy evokes a spirit of grace in me that prevents me from turning a bad moment into a bad day.

Live One Day at a time

Here is my thought for today. Courtesy of AA and our Bible! Live one day at a time. While we can plan for tomorrow, we can’t live tomorrow until it arrives. It seems to me that most folks ( me too at times!) spend so much time regretting the past and worrying about the future, that we have no time for today! How about committing to making the most of each moment of each day. Jesus said, “Don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time” (Matthew 6:34).

Positive things happen to positive people

Hi,
After much prayer, thought, reflection, meditation, and  with some encouragement tossed in  too I have decided to start this blog to offer inspiration, hope, and to be a place to look to for encouragement. These times are hard for many and the worldly clamors frequently can block us from the sunlight of the Spirit and from seeing and feeling God's will for us all.  I hope you find this helpful! Those of you that know me will understand that this is my passion. I love to help others and enjoy trying to help those seeking to improve themselves.

I am grateful that I am no longer a human being seeking a spiritual experience. I am thankful that through God's grace and Alcoholics Anonymous I am now a spiritual being having a human experience!