What are you planting and growing inside of your heart and home?

“the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest seed you plant in the ground. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds of the air can perch in its shade." Mark 4:30-32

If we focus our attention on what God’s will is for us, rather on self-will, it brings us back to clarity. That is why it works really well when we help each other with problems. It seems to me that is what God’s will is for each and every one of us to live in harmonious action with not only other human beings, but all of God’s creations. Think of the tiny mustard seed. What are you planting and growing inside of your heart and home?

“Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you." Psalm 37:5

Have you ever had a painful toothache yet had to continue working? Or have you had an ingrown toenail that made you wince with every step? No doubt you had trouble paying attention to others’ conversation or even concentrating on your work. Shame and pain are two emotions that keep us focused on ourselves. When we are embarrassed or fear exposure, whether from someone seeing our underwear or uncovering our secrets, we consume enormous amounts of energy trying to disguise or minimize our discomfort, leaving us physically and emotionally depleted. Likewise, when we hurt, whether from an abscessed tooth or a broken heart, we can think of little else beside our pain. In those moments, we truly become selfish and self-centered.

“Selfishness–self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of all our troubles." Big Book p. 62

The key to overcoming self-centeredness, like any negative emotion, lies first in awareness. Often we are in so much pain we are unaware of how our world has shrunk to contain only our concerns. Hopefully, someone who accepts us will care enough to risk breaking through our denial and tell us we are, in fact, self-centered. Since the Golden Rule reminds us to “do unto others as we would have them do unto us,” how we interpret self-centeredness in others can provide us relief. If we can remember that self-centeredness and selfishness stem from insecurity, shame, low self-esteem and emotional pain, often unrecognized by that person, we can view such unpleasant self-absorption with compassion. The person who only wants to talk about themselves and their agenda may inwardly be craving approval and attention. When someone does not listen, they may be so upset they cannot concentrate. Amazingly, as people do the hard psychological work often required to heal shame and emotional wounds, they spontaneously begin to direct their attention outside themselves. In life, we receive in the same manner we give. A renewed interest in others is usually reciprocated, closing the circle of grace. Just as shame begets self-centeredness, service brings gratitude 
and compassion.

As Saint Francis of Assisi challenges, “Let me seek not so much to be comforted as to comfort…For it is in self-forgetting that one finds.” We discover that in healing our wounds, as our pants are mended, our zippers fixed, our teeth made whole and our feet restored, we lose interest in ourselves and discover the joy in helping others. This week, may we see the self-absorbed among us with compassionate understanding, and with new eyes direct our attention to serving others. The rewards are fantastic!

“This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom”. Big Book pg. 62